


Save Me

by Blue_powder_monkey (Alec_Trevelyan_006)



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cancer, Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29619240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alec_Trevelyan_006/pseuds/Blue_powder_monkey
Summary: Cozy Powell and Brian May meet sometime in the 70's and live happily until 2017 when Cozy dies.  Set in the beginning of the year before the U.S Queen and Adam Lambert tour.  Will be Brain/Adam later.  Cozy and Brian are soulmates and get their soulmate marks after meeting.  After Cozy dies Brian wonders if he will ever love again.  When Brian and Adam spend some time together talking, they find out they're also soulmates.
Relationships: Adam Lambert/Brian May
Kudos: 8





	1. I Can't Face This Life Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I've captured everyone well. This chapter is from Brian's point of view. Chapter title taken from a line in the song Save Me by Queen.  
> Please read and review.

**Chapter 1: I Can’t Face This Life Alone**

_'Save me, save me, save me. I can't face this life alone. Save me, save me, save me. I'm naked and I'm far from home.'-Save Me-Queen_

I sit there holding his hand. My brain doesn’t want to process the fact that he’s going to leave me. I don’t know how I can live without my soulmate. I look down at the mark on my right wrist, it’s starting to fade and I know that once he’s gone it will scar. The script C could only belong to one person.

“What am I going to do without you Cozy?” I whisper.

I get no response from him. Not that I was expecting one. I don’t want to be alone. Not now. Not after all we’ve been through. I let out a long sigh and rub my face with my free hand.

The thought of me living with out him scares me. Although, when we first found out we were soulmates, the thought of being with another man scared me. Now it just seems natural. Cozy’s eyes slowly open and he turns his head to look at me.

“What are you doing here Brian?” Cozy asks.

“I didn’t want you to be alone when you go.” I say.

“Go home.” Cozy says.

“I’m not leaving until I have to.”

“Why? Why do this to yourself?” Cozy asks.

I give a shrug of my shoulders as an answer. Honestly, I really have no idea why I’m doing this. I hate watching those close to me die. I was there when both my dad and mum died. It tore me up when they died.

And I know that when Cozy dies I’m going to be lost. Hell, our family will be lost. Our kids won’t know what to do without him. I let out a long sigh and look at the floor.

“Please go home. Let me be alone to die.” Cozy says.

“You don’t deserve that.”

“Why not? Until you came alone I was alone.”

“Nobody, and I do mean nobody deserves to die alone.”

“People die alone all the time. Why should I be any different?” Cozy asks.

“You have people who love you that’s why.” I say.

My voice cracks when I say this. There are so many people who love and care about Cozy.

 _‘God, what am I going to do?’_ I think.

“Don’t you dare start crying.” Cozy says.

“I can’t help it.” I sob.

Cozy says nothing and lets out a long sigh.

“You can’t leave me. We were supposed to be together forever.”

“What is forever?” Cozy asks.

“We were supposed to die together.”

“Brian, let’s be realistic here.” Cozy says.

“You know what I mean.” I sniffle.

“No, I really don’t.”

“We were supposed to grow old together.”

“I’m afraid that’s not going to happen.” Cozy says with a sigh.

“I don’t want to live the rest of my life alone.” I say.

“I understand that, but I’m afraid God had other plans.” Cozy quietly says.

I let out a snort at that. This was not how things were supposed to go. Cozy and I should have lived to be 100 together. Now he’s going to leave me alone at nearly 70. I don’t think I can take this.

“Screw God.” I growl.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do.” I say.

“Brian…” Cozy says.

“Don’t Brian me. This is not how things were supposed to work!” I shout cutting him off.

“Calm down. You know it’s not going to do any good if you get worked up.”

“I know.” I say with a sigh.

“I wish this didn’t have to happen this way.”

“Me too. I wanted you here for support on this tour.” I say.

“I’m sorry that can’t happen.”

“Sure.”

Cozy gives me a small smile and shuts his eyes. I hold his hand tighter and start crying. He doesn’t have much longer and I know it. All I want is for things to go back to the way they were before we got the awful news. I just want things back to how they were before we were told he had cancer and there was nothing that could be done for him.

By the time it was found, they couldn’t operate. They couldn’t do chemo. There was literally nothing they could do except make him comfortable for what little time he would have left. Why did God have to do this to us? Why does my husband have to die?

All I want right now is to go back to the day we first met. Either that or stop all this from happening. But, I know I can’t do that. I know I can’t change the past, and I know I can’t change the future. All I know is that maybe someday I’ll find someone else to be with. Little do I know that in a few short months, I’ll find another soulmate.


	2. Faithfully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Cozy meet and after their meeting Brian finally gets his soulmate mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during the making of the A Night At The Opera album. Chapter is from Brian's point of view. Chapter title is taken and inspired by the Journey song of the same name. Please read and review.

**Chapter 2: Faithfully**

_'I'm forever yours faithfully.'-_ _Faithfully-Journey_

I’m sitting in a bar while Roger goes to chat up some girl he just met. If he’s trying to find his soulmate, it won’t work. Somehow I can tell she’s not that into him. A guy walking through the crowd catches my eye. He walks over to my table and sits down across from me.

I’ve seen this man before. I think his name is Cozy Powell who is the drummer for a band called Rainbow. He motions for a waitress to come take our drink orders. I let out a long sigh and look down at the table.

“What do you want?” I ask.

“Just to talk. Your friend Roger told me you were lonely.” He says.

“I’m not lonely so you can just piss off.” I say.

“Sorry, I meant nothing by that.”

“Sure.”

“Let me guess, you got dragged here because your friend ‘thinks’ he’ll find his soulmate here. Am I right?” He asks.

“How did you know?” I ask finally looking up.

“I know because Ritchie dragged me here for the same reason.” Cozy says.

“I see.” I say.

“I know that won’t work.”

The waitress comes over and takes our drink orders. She comes back a few minutes later with our beers. I pick mine up and take a drink. Setting my glass down, I glance at Cozy’s right wrist. I see no mark there.

I look up and see him looking at my right wrist. It’s the same story. There’s no mark there either. I still haven’t found my soulmate yet. Maybe someday I will, but I don’t think tonight is that night.

I let out a long sigh as I think about how almost everyone I know has gotten their soulmate marks. Melissa, who has been my best friend since I was four, has had hers for as long as I’ve known her. She’s had a B marked on her wrist since she was four. At first I thought I was her soulmate, but when no M appeared on my wrist, I knew that wasn’t the case. My brother Byron on the other hand woke up the day after we met her with an M on his wrist.

Why is life not fair? Why do I have to be the only one in my family with no mark on my wrist? Am I destined to not have a soulmate? Or have I just not met them yet? I sigh again and look at the table.

Cozy clears his throat to get my attention. I look up at him with a huff.

“What’s eating you?” Cozy asks.

“Nothing.” I quietly say.

“Something must be wrong. I was talking to you for a few minutes before I noticed you were zoned out.” Cozy says.

“I was just thinking about this.” I say indicating the bare spot on my wrist.

“You haven’t found your soulmate yet?” Cozy asks.

“No, not yet.” I say.

“Did you ever think that you don’t have one?”

“The thought has occurred to me, but somehow I don’t think that’s the case.”

“What makes you say that?”

“The fact that I’m completely miserable because I haven’t met the ‘one’ yet.”

“I know what you mean.” Cozy quietly says.

“So, you still haven’t found yours yet.”

Cozy gives a shake of his head as an answer.

“I take it you’re miserable too.”

“Yeah.” Cozy says with a sigh.

“What would you do if your soulmate wasn’t a woman?” I ask.

“At this point I’d be happy with anyone.” Cozy says.

“I see.” I say.

“What about you? What would you do?” Cozy asks.

I give a shrug of my shoulders as an answer.

“You don’t know?” Cozy asks shocked.

“To be honest, I never really thought much about it.” I quietly say.

What would I do if my soulmate was a man? I guess I’d be happy with anyone. Who really knows what God has planned.

“Well, I hope you find your soulmate.” Cozy says and stands up.

He then turns and walks out of the bar. Roger walks over and looks at me.

“So, is he the one?” Roger asks.

“I don’t know Rog.” I say.

“Well, it’s time to go.” Roger says.

I stand up and we walk out of the bar. We head to his car and head back to the farm where we’re working on our album. When we get there I head up to my room. I plop down on the bed and fall asleep. I wake up the next morning to someone shaking me.

I open my eyes and see Roger.

“What do you want?” I ask.

“Time to get up.” Roger says.

“Give me one good reason why I should.” I say.

“Breakfast.”

“Damn.” I grumble.

“I knew that would get you.”

I wave a dismissive hand at him. As I do he grabs my wrist.

“Did you get a tattoo last night?” Roger asks.

“What are you talking about?” I ask puzzled.

“This.” Roger says showing me my right wrist.

I look at my wrist. On it is a black script C. I know that wasn’t there last night when we got home. Is it possible that I finally got my soulmate mark?

“No. We came back here and I went right to bed.” I say.

“Well, if you didn’t get a tattoo, then what is it?”

“I think I finally got my soulmate mark.”

“Who is it? Who do you know who’s name starts with a C?”

“Cozy Powell. We were talking last night.”

“Well, it’s about damn time.” Roger says.

“I know.”

“Are you going to call him?” Roger asks.

“Maybe later. We need to get to work.”

“Fair enough.” Roger says.

We head downstairs and head to the barn. After we eat, we get to work. All I can think about while we’re working is how happy I am to finally get my soulmate mark.


	3. Doin' Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Cozy meet and Cozy gets his soulmate mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much the same as the previous chapter, except for the fact that it's from Cozy's point of view. Chapter title is from the Smile song of the same name and was inspired by it. Please read and review.

**Chapter 3: Doin’ Alright**

_'Yesterday my life was in ruin. Now today I know what I'm doing. Gotta feeling I should be doin' alright. Doin' alright.'-Doin' Alright-Queen/Smile/Tim Staffell_

I’m standing in a bar waiting for Ritchie to finish chatting up the latest girl he’s found. He’s into her, but it looks like she’s not that into him. If he’s trying to get a soulmate, it doesn’t work that way. I look around the room and see a man sitting alone. This man looks like Brian May from Queen.

I walk through the crowd of people and catch his eye. His friend Roger grabs my arm as I walk past.

“What’s up Roger? I ask.

“My friend, Brian is lonely. Maybe you could talk to him and keep him company.” Roger says.

“I’ll do what I can.” I say.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

I head over to Brian’s table and take a seat across from him. I flag down a waitress to come take our drink orders. Brian lets out a long sigh and looks down at the table.

“What do you want?” Brian asks.

“Just to talk. Your friend Roger told me you were lonely.” I say.

“I’m not lonely so you can just piss off.” Brian says.

“Sorry, I meant nothing by that.”

“Sure.”

“Let me guess, you got dragged here because your friend ‘thinks’ he’ll find his soulmate here. Am I right?” I ask.

“How did you know?” Brian asks finally looking up.

“I know because Ritchie dragged me here for the same reason.” I say.

“I see.” Brian says. “I know that won’t work.”

The waitress comes over and takes our drink orders. She comes back a few minutes later with our beers. Brian picks up his beer and takes a drink. As he sets his glass back down I see him looking at my right wrist. I know he’s checking to see if I have a soulmate mark.

I still haven’t gotten mine yet, and I’m beginning to wonder if I ever will. I quickly check his right wrist and see no mark on his wrist either. Brian looks up and notices me checking out his wrist.

“So, no soulmate for you yet?” I ask.

Brian says nothing and stares at the table. What is on his mind?

“Are you here to find someone?”

Still no answer from Brian. I pick up my beer and take a drink. Setting my glass down, I try once more to talk to him.

“Do you have any idea who the one might be yet?”

Once more I get no response from him.

“Earth to Brian, are you listening?”

Nothing. No response. I clear my throat to get Brian’s attention and he looks up at me with a huff.

“What’s eating you?” I ask.

“Nothing.” Brian quietly says.

“Something must be wrong. I was talking to you for a few minutes before I noticed you were zoned out.” I say.

“I was just thinking about this.” Brian says indicating the bare spot on his wrist.

“You haven’t found your soulmate yet?” I ask.

“No, not yet.” Brian says.

“Did you ever think that you don’t have one?”

“The thought has occurred to me, but somehow I don’t think that’s the case.”

“What makes you say that?”

“The fact that I’m completely miserable because I haven’t met the ‘one’ yet.”

“I know what you mean.” I quietly say.

“So, you still haven’t found yours yet.”

I gives a shake of my head as an answer.

“I take it you’re miserable too.”

“Yeah.” I say with a sigh.

“What would you do if your soulmate wasn’t a woman?” Brian asks.

“At this point I’d be happy with anyone.” I say.

“I see.” Brian says.

“What about you? What would you do?” I ask.

Brian gives a shrug of his shoulders as an answer.

“You don’t know?” I ask shocked.

“To be honest, I never really thought much about it.” Brian quietly says.

Brian gets lost in thought for a moment, and I can tell we’re done talking.

“Well, I hope you find your soulmate.” I say and stand up.

I then turn and walk out of the bar. Outside I meet up with Ritchie.

“So, is Brian the one?” Ritchie asks.

“Rich, I don’t know.” I say with a sigh.

“What do you mean you don’t know? You must have felt some kind of connection.” Ritchie says.

“I don’t think that’s how it works. If I wake up with my soulmate mark then I know he was the one. If I don’t, it wasn’t meant to be.” I say.

“Cozy, you’ve been nothing but miserable before tonight. That has to mean something.”

“Maybe.”

We get in Ritchie’s car and head back to the flat we’re sharing. I head to my room and flop on the bed. I close my eyes and fall asleep. I wake up the next morning to Ritchie shaking me.

“Go away.” I mumble.

“Cozy, get up. We need to get to the studio.” Ritchie says.

“Five more minutes.” I mumble and roll over.

As I roll over, Ritchie grabs my right arm. I try to pull away, but he holds it tighter.

“Let me go.” I say.

“Not until you explain the tattoo you got last night.”

“What tattoo?” I ask puzzled.

I sit up and Ritchie lets my wrist go. My arm lands in my lap and on my right wrist I see a black script B. I guess Brian really is my soulmate.

“Rich, that’s not a tattoo.” I say.

“You don’t mean…” Ritchie says.

“Yep, I finally got my soulmate mark.”

“So, it was Brian.”

“I guess so.”

“Are you going to call him?” Ritchie asks.

“Maybe later. We have work to do.”

“That doesn’t matter, you need to call him.” Ritchie says.

“He’s more than likely busy too. Don’t forget he’s also in a band.”

“True.”

“I know I wouldn’t want to be bothered while I’m working.”

“I wouldn’t want you to be bothered either.”

“Yeah, you might kill me.”

“You know it.”

I chuckle and get out of bed. Ritchie and I head to the studio to get some work done. Truthfully, I don’t know how much work I’m really going to get done thinking about Brian.


	4. The Chain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cozy reflecting on his and Brian's relationship and impending death. Very short chapter as it was never really intended to be very long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title was taken from the Fleetwood Mac song of the same name and was inspired by it. Chapter is from Cozy's point of view. Cozy does die at the end of this chapter. Please read and review.

**Chapter 4: The Chain**

_'And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again. I can still hear you saying you will never break the chain.'-The Chain-Fleetwood Mac_

I look at Brian long after our earlier conversation. He’s holding my hand and sleeping. How I long to be with him forever. I know he’s right. I know we were meant to grow old together.

None of this should have happened. I shouldn’t have gotten cancer. And I sure as hell shouldn’t be in this hospital bed dying. I let out a long sigh and look at the floor.

 _‘God, why are you doing this to me?’_ I think.

I unfortunately get no answer from him. Why does God do crazy crap like this? I sigh again and look back at Brian. He shifts slightly in his sleep and moans. I begin to wonder what’s on his mind.

Is he thinking about how we met? Or could it be something else? Maybe he’s thinking about some other man. But, would Brian really do that? Would he really fall for someone else while his husband was dying?

God how I wish I wasn’t sick so I could find out what is really going on. Does Brian still love me? I know I still love him. God, why am I thinking like this? I guess it must be the cancer making me think like this.

My mind drifts back to the day we first met. When we were sitting in that bar, I never thought we’d end up together. I never once thought Brian was my soulmate. However, when I woke up the next morning I had gotten my soulmate mark. I found out later that day that Brian had gotten his as well.

I look over at Brian’s right wrist. The C that stands for my name is almost completely gone. I then look at my own wrist. The B that stands for Brian’s name is still as clear as the day it showed up on my arm. I know Brian’s is fading because I’m dying.

I also know that once I’m gone that mark will turn into a scar. Somedays I wonder if Brian has or will find another soulmate. I hope and pray that he finds someone else to love him. Maybe once I’m gone I can send him someone else. But who?

Maybe I’ll figure it out. I let out one more long sigh and shut my eyes. After my eyes slip closed, I slip peacefully away.


	5. St. Patrick's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian finds himself in a church searching for answers on why Cozy died. After the funeral, Brian gets a visitor. Cozy comes to visit Brian to tell him there is someone else for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is from Brian's point of view. Chapter title is taken from and inspired by the Savatage song of the same name. Please read and review.

**Chapter 5: St. Patrick’s**

_'Hey there Lord it's me._ _I wondered if you're free._ _Or not asleep._ _This just won't keep._ _It seems I just don't see._ _Why all the things we asked._ _Or prayed would come to pass._ _Have gone unheard._ _Like silent words._ _That slip into the past._ _For Lord they're not schemes._ _Can't you tell dreams._ _Why do you,_ _Let them slip by?_ _Never even tried._ _It isn't you don't hear?_ _There's far too many tears._ _Or can't you feel?_ _Are we unreal?_ _To one who knows no peers._ _You say we must pay dues._ _But still I am confused,_ _I need to walk._ _And with you talk._ _Instead of to statues._ _For Lord they're not schemes._ _Can't you tell dreams._ _Why do you,_ _Let them slip by?_ _Never even tried._ _You take all the fame._ _But who'll accept the blame?_ _For all the hurts._ _Down here on earth._ _Unnecessary pain._ _For surely you must care?_ _Or are you only air?_ _Built in out minds._ _When we're in binds._ _And never really there._ _And can we be tired of you?_ _Is that something that we're allowed to do?_ _For even the blind change their view._ _And it's time we tried something new._ _And so I pled my case._ _I'll now pull my escape._ _Didn't mean to doubt._ _What it's about._ _Seems I forgot my place._ _But if you find the time._ _Please change the story line._ _Or give a call._ _Explain it all._ _I'll even leave the dime.'-St. Patrick's-Savatage_

A few weeks after Cozy has died, I find myself wandering near a church. I walk in and take a seat in a pew. Sighing, I bow my head to pray. Why has God abandoned me? Does he hate me? Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone walking over to me. I turn my head and see a priest standing before me.

“Can I help you with something?” I ask.

“You look lost my child. Is something on your mind?” The priest asks.

I debate telling him what’s on my mind in fear he might disagree with my lifestyle. I sigh and make up my mind to just tell him.

“Yes, but I’d rather talk about this in private.” I say.

“Fine by me.” The priest says.

I stand up and we head to a room within the church. The priest sits down on a chair and I take a seat across from him. I let out long sigh and look at the floor.

“My name is Fr. Tom, you can trust me with what’s troubling you.”

“Well, Fr., my husband passed away a few weeks ago and feel lost without him.” I quietly say.

“I see.” Fr. Tom says.

This was a bad idea. I know he’s judging me for being bisexual. Or is he? I can’t really tell.

“If you don’t like my lifestyle, you can tell me.”

“It’s not that at all. I’m trying to figure out how to give you good advice.”

I say nothing and sigh. This was really a bad idea.

“How long were you together?” Fr. Tom asks.

“We were together since 1975. We were soulmates.”

“Are you sure you were soulmates?”

I say nothing and show him the scar on my right wrist. That scar is all that remains of my soulmate mark. God how I miss Cozy. I sigh once more and rub my face with my free hand. All my pent up anger and frustration over losing Cozy is starting to bubble to the surface.

I’m trying to keep my tears contained, but it’s not working. I start sobbing. Tears blur my vision and I put my head in my hands. Why me God? Man I really hate my life right now.

“Why does God hate me?” I sob.

“God doesn’t hate you.” Fr. Tom says.

“He must hate me because I haven’t felt this bad since my friend Freddie died.”

“I see.” Fr. Tom quietly says.

I continue sobbing. The tears roll down my cheeks and land on my shirt. Does anyone know how I feel right now? Will I ever find someone else to love me like Cozy did? I guess in time I might find out.

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean any of that.” I sniffle.

“It’s ok. You’re upset because the person you loved with your heart and soul died. It will take time, but the pain will fade.” Fr. Tom says.

“When will that be?” I ask.

“I can’t give you a specific time frame. It could be months or years before you feel ‘normal’ again.”

“Years? I don’t want to feel like this for years.” I say.

“It might not be years for you. Everyone is different.”

I let out a long sigh and look back up at Fr. Tom. Is he right? Could this take years to get over? Or will it be more like months? God how I wish I could change time.

“I hope you’re right.”

“You’ll find out in time. God will make sure of that.”

“What do you mean?” I ask puzzled.

“I’m sure there’s someone else for you out there.”

“I don’t want anyone else. I want Cozy.” I say.

“Give it time. You’ll see what I mean.”

“Thanks I think.” I grumble.

I stand up and walk out of the room. I head out of the church and head back home. Once I’m home I head up to bed. The next morning, everyone is over for Cozy’s funeral. I’m really dreading this.

The service and burial comes and goes, and we all head back to the house. Our entire family is there save a few people who are no longer here. People are milling about, but I just stay sitting on the couch. While I’m sitting there, someone comes over and puts their hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Roger.

“How are you holding up Brian?” Roger asks.

“As well as I can, I guess.” I quietly say.

“I’m sorry.” Roger says.

“Sorry for what exactly? It’s not like you killed him.”

“I’m sorry things had to be this way.”

“Don’t be sorry. If you hadn’t brought us together 42 years ago, I never would have found my soulmate.” I say.

“True.”

“I had a good life with Cozy and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“I guess that’s good.”

“The only thing I wish could have happened is for him to see Angel grow up.”

“No ten year old should lose their dad.”

“I know.” I say with a sigh.

Roger walks off. A few minutes later Angel runs up to me. I pick her up and set her on my knee. She looks up at me with her big brown eyes. She reminds me so much of Cozy.

“Daddy, I miss papa.” Angel says.

“I know. I miss him too.” I say.

“I want him back.” Angel says crying.

She buries her head in my chest and sobs. I rub her back to try and calm her. She just cries harder. I stand up with her and carry her to her room. I set her on the bed and kneel down.

“Why don’t you just rest? You’ve had a long day.” I say.

Angel says nothing and sniffles. God I hate seeing her like this. I stand up and head back downstairs. I head into the kitchen and run into Adam.

“What’s going on with Angel?” Adam asks.

“She misses Cozy.” I quietly say.

“So do you.” Adam says.

“You’re right, but I need to stay strong for her.” I say.

“Who’s going to stay strong for you?” Adam asks.

“I’m trying to stay strong for both of us.”

“Brian, things don’t work like that.” Adam says.

“I know that, but I can’t completely lose it in front of my daughter.”

“I see.”

“I don’t want her to see me like that.”

“Like what exactly?” Adam asks.

“A blubbering mess like I was yesterday.”

“What happened yesterday?”

“I ended up at a church talking to a priest and lost it in front of him.”

“That’s natural. You lost the man who was the love of your life.” Adam says.

“Yeah, I guess.” I quietly say.

I feel like I’m about to lose it again. Why must I keep feeling like this?

“Go get some rest. You look like you need it.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Go get some rest. Roger and I will send everyone away and stay the night so you’re not alone.”

“Fine.” I grumble.

I turn and head back upstairs. I head down the hall and to my room. Shutting the door behind me, I start crying. I head over to the bed and flop down on it. As I’m lying there crying, I feel someone sit down on the bed.

I look over and see Cozy.

“You can’t be here, you’re dead.” I say.

“I’m here to give you a message.” Cozy says.

“What kind of message?” I ask.

“You will find another soulmate.”

“I don’t want another soulmate. You were it. I won’t love again.” I say.

“You will love again. You just need some time.”

“That’s not happening.”

Cozy sighs in response. Why is he trying to force someone on me?

“Why do you think I’ll love again?” I ask.

“Because I know you. You will love again, and when you do, it will be when you least expect it.”

I let out a huff in response. Is he serious right now? There can’t be anyone else for me.

“Trust me Brian, you will find someone else.” Cozy says and fades away.

I begin to wonder who it could be. Could it be Adam? I haven’t seen a soulmate mark on his wrist, but then again, he has so many tattoos that it’s hard to tell. Maybe God will show me in time who this person is. But for now, I have to live not knowing what’s in store for me.

Right now I have to focus on my family and getting ready for the tour. We’re going to start rehearsing soon and I know I have to be in shape for it. Not only in shape, I have to be in my right mind. I know I’m going to have to get over Cozy’s death and be strong. I just hope it doesn’t take me years to get over it.


	6. Two Fux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Adam talk and Adam reveals that Brian is his soulmate. This chapter is from Adam's point of view. Chapter title was taken and the chapter was inspired by Adam's song Two Fux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end folks. Two to three more chapters left as this ended up needing to be longer than what I was originally planning. WARNING: This chapter deals with suicidal thoughts, talk of suicide, Brian's suicide attempt, and contains a bit of swearing. Please read and review.

**Chapter 6: Two Fux**

_'If you think that what I do and how I live's too much. I don't really, really give two fux. If you think that what I say and what I give ain't love. I don't really, really give two fux.'-Two Fux-Adam Lambert_

A couple weeks after the funeral for Cozy, we’re rehearsing for the tour. I’ve just presented my newest song to Brian and Roger.

“What do you think?” I ask.

“I don’t know.” Roger says.

“It’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Brian asks.

I raise one eyebrow and look at Brian puzzled. I know he can’t be judging my lifestyle since he’s bisexual. Maybe he’s right, the song is a bit harsh.

“I don’t care if it’s harsh or not. It’s not like I care what people think.” I say.

“Do you really not care about what people think about you or your music?”

“I couldn’t care less what people think.”

Roger lets out a long sigh and looks at the floor. I begin to wonder what he’s thinking.

“You sound like Fred.” Roger says.

“So what.”

“So what? Do you even care about this band?” Roger angrily asks.

“I care about a lot of things. What people think about me or my lifestyle is not one of them.” I growl.

“Adam, please calm down. Getting mad won’t solve anything.” Brian says.

“I think we’re done for today.” Roger says with a huff.

“Fine, leave, see if I care.”

“Rog, just go. Let me see if I can talk some sense into him.”

Roger stands up and leaves in a hurry. Brian stays behind I guess to talk to me. He gives me a sympathetic look. I brush it off and look at the floor. I can’t look at anyone right now. I turn and head backstage.

Flopping in a chair with a sigh, I put my head in my hands. For some reason, I can’t get Brian out of my mind. It started the day of Cozy’s funeral. After we talked, it was like I couldn’t get him out of my head. The next morning I woke up with a script B on my right wrist.

Somehow Brian is my soulmate. I let out a long sigh as I think about how to tell him. Someone walks up next to me and puts their hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Brian.

“What’s eating you?” Brian asks.

I give a shrug of my shoulders as an answer. How do I tell him what’s wrong?

“I know something must be wrong. You don’t normally act like that.” Brian says as he takes a seat across from me.

“I’ve got a lot on my mind.” I quietly say.

“Like what?” Brian asks.

I say nothing and hold out my right wrist.

“You got my initial tattooed on your wrist. Why?”

I put my arm on my lap and sigh.

“It’s not a tattoo.” I say with a sigh.

“No.” Brian says shocked.

“I’m afraid so. You’re my soulmate.”

“Are you sure?” Brian asks.

“Pretty sure. It showed up the day after Cozy’s funeral.” I quietly say.

Brian’s face falls at the mention of Cozy’s name. I know he’s still mourning him. I know he might not be ready to love again. Hell, he may never love anyone else again. Why did God do this to me?

‘Why the fuck did I say anything?’ I think.

“Adam…” Brian says.

His voice cracks when he says my name. I knew this was a mistake.

“I didn’t want to say anything because I know you’re still mourning Cozy. I’m sorry.” I say.

“Don’t be sorry. I knew something like this might happen.”

“What do you mean?” I ask puzzled.

“Cozy came to visit me in a dream the day of his funeral. He came to tell me there was someone else out there for me, but never said who it was. All he said was in time I would love again and it would happen when I least expect it.”

“Do you really believe any of that?” I ask.

Brian gives a shrug of his shoulders as an answer.

“You don’t know?”

‘God, this really was a big fucking mistake.’ I think.

“Right now, I don’t know what to believe.”

“You don’t honestly think that you have another soulmate?” I ask.

“I don’t know if I do or not. But if I do, I’m sure I’ll find out in time.”

I swallow hard and look at the scar on Brian’s wrist. The scar in the shape of a C. The scar that’s the only thing left of his soulmate mark. If I was really his soulmate, I know an A would have shown up next to the scar. Maybe it will show up tomorrow.

Maybe nothing will show up at all and I’ll find out this was all just some big fuck up. Hell, for all I know God is screwing with me. I let out a long frustrated sigh and look at the floor. I just want Brian to go away so I can be alone with my thoughts.

‘Pull yourself together Adam.’ I think.

“Are you ok?” Brian asks concerned.

“I don’t know anymore.” I say putting my head into my hands.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Life.” I say.

“What do you mean by that?” Brian asks.

“Have you ever wanted to end it all?” I ask.

Brian sucks in a sharp breath and I can tell I might have struck a nerve.

“Yes.” Brian quietly says.

“What stopped you?” I ask looking up at him.

“Cozy. I couldn’t leave him.”

“Why did you want to die?”

“Long story short. My life got to be too much. My mum had died. Freddie was dead, and I wanted to join them. I was about to jump off a bridge when Cozy found me and stopped me from jumping.”

“Oh my.” I quietly say.

“I was a mess, but I got help and I was doing fine right up until a couple weeks ago.” Brian says.

“You have people who love and need you. You can’t just end it all.” I say.

“I could say the same thing to you.” “I don’t have anyone who needs me. The world is better off without me.”

“Roger and I need you. Hell, your parents love and need you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know your parents love you. They’ve accepted you for who you are.”

“And your parents didn’t?” I ask.

“I don’t know if my dad ever did. And my mum claimed she did, but I can’t say for sure if she really did.”

“I see.” I say.

“Being gay or Bi wasn’t that widely accepted back when I was growing up. People tolerated it, but I know most of them didn’t accept it.”

“Did Roger and John accept that you and Freddie were not ‘normal’?” I ask.

“John never said if he did or didn’t. I honestly don’t think he cared. And I know Roger accepted it. If he hadn’t I don’t think we would have lasted as a band.”

“I know most people don’t like me because I’m gay.” I say.

“Don’t listen to what other people say. It causes more trouble than it’s worth.”

“What do you mean?” I ask puzzled.

“Both Cozy and I got married to women because we were afraid of what people would think of us. We were both miserable while we were married.”

“Why did you stay married?” I ask.

Brian gives a shrug of his shoulders as an answer.

“I don’t really know. It’s not like we weren’t living together.”

“You were married and living with him?” I ask shocked.

“Yeah. It was me, Cozy, Sharon, Chrissy, and our kids.”

“Yikes what a living situation.” I say.

“It worked for us. But in the end we both got divorced and our kids lived with us.”

“And then you adopted Angel.”

“It was the right thing to do.”

“What do you mean?” I ask puzzled.

“Her parents died and nobody in her family wanted her.”

“Poor kid.” I say.

“And then she lost Cozy.”

“I know that’s eating her up. You two were the only parents she ever knew.”

“She’ll be fine in time. She just needs some time to adjust.”

“Brian, she needs two parents.”

“And where pray tell am I going to find someone who wants to live with a bisexual guitarist and raise his and his late husband’s daughter?” Brian asks.

“There are people around you who would be willing to step up.”

“Like you?”

“Well, if this mark on my wrist is anything to go by. I’m going to say yes.”

Brain lets out a long sigh and shakes his head. Does he not believe me? Or could it be something else? I let out a long sigh of my own. Is Brian right?

Is there nobody else for him? Brian stands up and walks off. I’m once again left alone with my thoughts. Maybe telling Brian all this was a very bad idea. Or not.

Brian needs to trust me and let me into his life. As I’m lost in my thoughts, a figure appears before me.

“Who are you?” I ask.

“I’m Cozy.” They say.

“So, you’re Brian’s husband.” I say.

“Yes.” Cozy says.

“So, what do you want?” I ask.

“I just want to tell you that Brian is your soulmate.”

“And what else?”

“He needs some time to process that fact. Give him a few days and you’ll see what I mean.”

“And what happens if he doesn’t change his mind in a few days?”

“He’ll change his mind. I’ll make sure of it.”

“If you say so.” I say with a sigh.

“I do say so.” Cozy says and disappears.

God I hope he’s right. I don’t want to be without my soulmate. Nothing makes sense anymore. I let out a long sigh and head back to the hotel. I go to my room and flop into bed.

I fall asleep wondering if Brian will really change his mind.


	7. A Soul For Sale Or Rent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian realizes he and Adam really are soulmates. Chapter title taken is taken from a line in the song Save Me. Chapter was also inspired by the same line. The I love you, I know line in this chapter comes from the Star Wars movies. Chapter is from Brian's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully two more chapters left. Chapter does contain a bit of arguing between Brian and Adam. Also contains a bit of homophobic talk from Roger. Please read and review.

**Chapter 7: A Soul For Sale Or Rent**

_'I hang my head and I advertise a soul for sale or rent.'-Save Me-Queen_

After talking to Adam, I head back to the hotel and go to my room. Once in my room I start pacing hoping to clear my head. I can’t believe what I heard from Adam. There’s no way in hell we’re meant to be together. I know if were meant to be together, another mark would appear on my wrist.

This has to be some kind of big mistake. My thoughts continue to race. I need to get my shit together so I can get some sleep. I let out a long sigh and collapse into a chair. I put my head in my hands and sigh again.

Why is this happening to me? I’m not ready to love again. But, Cozy did say I’d find love again when I least expected it. God, what is he doing to me? I really don’t want any part of this.

As I’m lost in my thoughts, a figure appears before me. I look up and see Cozy.

“What do you want?” I ask.

“Fine way to greet me.” Cozy says.

“Look, just tell me what you want.” I say exasperated.

“I just want to talk.”

“Like hell you do.”

“Brian, we do need to talk.”

“What’s there to talk about?” I ask.

“You and Adam.”

“Are you trying to imply something is going on between us?”

“Not at all, but I know you love him.”

I let out a huff in response.

“Don’t fool yourself.” I say with a huff.

“I’m not fooling anyone. But I do know you better.”

“I already told you I won’t love anyone else. I’m done with love.” I quietly say.

“Are you really?” Cozy asks.

I give a shrug of my shoulders as an answer. To be honest, I’m not sure if I can really answer that question.

“You don’t know?”

I just give a shake of my head as an answer.

“Why don’t you know?”

“I don’t know because I’m not really sure of anything right now.”

“What do you mean?” Cozy asks puzzled.

“Nothing has made sense to me since you died. It’s like I can’t feel anything except sadness and longing for what we had.”

“We had a good life together, but now you need to open your heart and love again.” Cozy says.

“And just how do you expect me to do that so soon after you died?” I ask.

Cozy gives a shrug of his shoulders as an answer.

“I can’t just forget everything we had.” I say.

“I’m not telling you to forget what we had. I’m just telling you to do what comes naturally to you.”

“And what’s coming naturally to me right now is not falling for someone else even though I know they love me.”

“Brian, you need to move on and give Adam the love that he needs.”

“Adam doesn’t need my love.”

“He needs someone to love him for who he is, and I know you are the right person to give him that love.”

“Cozy, are you nuts? I’m the wrong person for that.”

“You are the right person. You’re the one person who understands what it feels like to be labeled as ‘different’.”

I let out a long sigh in response to that. Cozy’s right. I do know what it’s like to be labeled as ‘different’ by everyone around me. Nobody understands that despite what they may think, I was born this way. I’m not confused and I didn’t chose to be this way.

“Why do you have to be right?” I ask with a sigh.

“Because we both know what it’s like to be told we chose to be the way we are and nobody is born like that.”

“Or being told that you’re confused.” I say.

“That too.”

“So, how can I help Adam?” I ask.

“Just love him.”

“That’s it?”

“You’ll find out in time what I mean by that.”

“So, one more question. Will I still see you?”

“I can’t say for sure.”

“So, maybe?”

“Yes, maybe.”

“I love you.” I say.

“I know.” Cozy says with a smile.

He then vanishes leaving me alone. Is he right? Am I really the right person for Adam? I rub my face and stand up. I head over to the bed and flop down on it.

My mind races and I shut my eyes. I fall into a fitful sleep. The next morning I wake up to someone pounding on my door. I get out of bed and open the door. There I find Roger.

“What do you need Rog?” I ask.

“We’re going to be late to rehearsals.” Roger says.

“Give me a sec to get ready.” I say.

I shut the door and get myself ready. Once I’m ready I go back to Roger. We head off to rehearsals. We get into the hall and find Adam already there. He looks down at the floor when he sees us.

“Roger, Brian, I’m sorry about yesterday. I don’t know what got into me.” Adam says.

“I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have snapped like I did.” Roger says.

“Well, I accept both of your apologies.” I say.

“What made you apologize Roger?” Adam asks.

“Freddie came to visit me in a dream last night and told me I may have been a bit too harsh on you.” Roger quietly says.

“What about you Adam?” I ask.

“Cozy came to talk to me after you left and I had a change of heart.” Adam says.

“I see.” I say.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring him up.”

“It’s fine. He came to see me last night as well.”

“What did he have to say?” Adam asks.

“He told me to love you.” I quietly say.

“I wonder why he said that.” Adam says.

“He said it because he and I both know what it’s like to be seen as ‘different’ to those around us. We know what it’s like to be told we ‘chose’ our lifestyle and that nobody is born like that.” I say.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Everybody tells me I chose to be gay and not that I was born like this.”

“No one chooses to be gay.” Roger says.

I say nothing and look at Roger shocked. I never thought I’d hear those words come from my best friends mouth.

“Bloody hell Rog.” I say shocked.

“What? I mean that.”

“It’s just that I never thought I’d ever hear you say that.” I say.

“Brian, I’ve known for years that some people are just wired differently. Some people are gay, some are straight, and some are bi. It’s just taken me a long time to realize that.”

“Well, I’m glad you finally realized it.”

“Me too.” Adam says.

Roger blushes and says nothing.

“Nothing to say?” I ask.

Roger gives a shake of his head as an answer. I throw up my hands in defeat. It’s then that I notice Adam looking at my right wrist.

“Something wrong?”

“You have something on your wrist.” Adam says.

I look down at my right wrist. On it I see a script A next to the scar that’s left of Cozy’s mark.

 _‘Ah hell, he was right.’_ I think.

“I guess we really are soulmates.” I quietly say.

“I see.”

“I guess Cozy was right.”

Adam grumbles and says nothing.

“Are you not happy?” I ask puzzled.

“At this point, I don’t really know.”

“But you were so happy about it yesterday.” I say.

“While I may have been happy yesterday, today I’m not so sure.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Because you’ve just changed your mind all of a sudden.” Adam growls.

I let out a long sigh and look at the floor. This was a mistake. What the hell am I doing? I sigh again and look back at Adam.

“Yes, I did change my mind. But it’s not for the reason you may think.” I say.

“Sure.”

“None of this was Cozy’s doing. I changed all on my own.”

Adam says nothing and lets out a huff.

“Look, I’m sorry. I had no idea what this would do to you.”

“I’m sorry too. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this.” Adam quietly says.

“I figured.”

“Now, can we get to work?” Adam asks.

“Yes.” I say with a chuckle.

We get to rehearsing for the tour. I can only hope things work out between me and Adam.


	8. Broken Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter to show what I hope is a cute moment between Brian and Adam. Chapter is from Adam's point of view. Chapter title is taken from the Adam Lambert song of the same name. Chapter was also inspired by the same song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go. Please read and review.

**Chapter 8: Broken Pieces**

_'Broken pieces, break into me. So imperfectly what you should be.'-Broken Open-Adam Lambert_

I’m wandering around backstage before the soundcheck for the Cleveland show. There’s music coming from somewhere. I follow the music and find Brian playing a beat up acoustic guitar. He’s humming to himself as he plays. I don’t recognize the tune.

“What are you playing?” I ask.

Brian looks up at me, but doesn’t say anything. It’s like he’s lost in thought.

“It’s nothing.” Brian quietly says.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s just a tune that popped into my head.”

“I see.” I say.

Brian says nothing and goes back to playing. Soon he’s playing Love of my Life.

“Love of my life, you’ve hurt me.” Brian quietly sings.

I turn and walk off. It might be better if I leave Brian alone for a bit. I head back to my dressing room. I open the door and head in. Shutting the door behind me,

I let out a long sigh. I head over to the couch and sit down. I put my head in my hands and rub my face. Sometimes I wonder if Brain actually loves me. It seems like he’s been thinking about Cozy quite a bit lately.

It’s almost like he doesn’t notice I’m around. I sit there lost in my thoughts. Soon they’re interrupted by a knock on the door.

“It’s open!” I shout.

The door opens and Brian walks in. He shuts the door and walks over to me. He then sits down next to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

“Did you need something?” I ask.

“I just want to say I’m sorry for ignoring you.” Brian says.

“I accept your apology, but I want to know why it’s been happening?”

“Cozy’s been on my mind lately. The last time I was on tour he was here.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot.” I quietly say.

“It’s fine, I just miss him.” Brian quietly says.

“If you want to talk about it I’m here.” I say.

“Thanks, but I don’t want to bring you down before we perform tonight.” Brian says.

I say nothing and pull Brian closer to me. I just want to hug him until his hurt goes away. Brian lets out a sigh and starts to cry.

“Just let it out.” I whisper.

Brian puts his head on my shoulder and cries into it. His body shakes with every sob he lets out. I know he really misses Cozy. Cozy was always there for him during the tours. He was the one to bring Brian back down to Earth after the show was over.

Now Brian has no one. He’s so lost after the shows are over. He doesn’t have anyone to bring him back down to Earth and back to his right mind. I rub Brian’s back and start humming to myself. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

“Please don’t cry anymore.” I quietly say.

“I can’t help it.” Brian sobs.

I go to say something, but there’s a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” I ask.

“It’s Roger.” Comes the reply.

“What do you want?”

“Ten minutes to show time.” Roger says.

“Ok, be right out.” I say.

“I can’t do this.” Brian sniffles.

“Be strong for Cozy.”

I let Brian go and he straightens up. We stand up and head out to do the show. When Love of my Life comes up, I stand backstage watching Brian. I’m just hoping he doesn’t lose it completely.

“Love of my life, you’ve hurt me.” Brian sings.

I can just make out tears falling down his face.

 _‘Oh, Brian.’_ I think.

My heart breaks watching him play. I don’t know how he can do this. After the song is over the rest of the show goes quickly. Once the show is done we head back to our dressing rooms. I get myself ready to head back to the hotel.

As I’m changing, there’s a knock on the door.

“Come in.” I say.

The door opens and Brian walks in. He walks over to the couch and sits down and puts his head in his hands. I finish getting ready and walk over to Brian. I sit down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” I ask concerned.

“I feel so lost.” Brian says.

“I’m here if you need to talk.” I say.

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” “Just start wherever.”

Brian says nothing and starts crying. I pull him closer to me and he sobs into my shoulder. God how I wish I could take all his pain away. I start humming again. It seems to be the only thing I seem to be able to do.

“Why did he leave me?” Brian sobs.

“I don’t really know.” I quietly say.

“I need him here.”

“I know you do, but I guess God had other plans.”

“Now you just sound like Cozy.” Brian sniffles.

“Sorry.” I whisper.

Brian sobs again, but says nothing.

“Love of my life you’ve hurt me.” I sing.

“Just stop, that won’t help.” Brain says.

I let out a huff and say nothing. I guess nothing will help. What did I get myself into?

 _‘Why me God?’_ I think.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”

“You’re stressed, it happens.” I say.

“I still shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“True.”

Brain says nothing and sighs.

“I still love you.”

“I know you do.”

“You know I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know.”

“Let’s go get some rest.”

“Good idea.”

I let Brian go and we stand up. We head back to the hotel and go to our rooms. Once I’m in my room I start pacing to clear my head. I’m beginning to wonder if things are going to work out between me and Brian. All I want is for us to be together and raise Angel together.

I finish my pacing and flop onto the bed. I fall asleep thinking about what’s going to happen with us.


	9. Epilogue: I Will Love You Better Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year after Cozy died Adam and Brian discuss more kids. Chapter from Brian's point of view. Chapter title taken from the final line in the song Lego House. Chapter was also inspired by the same line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter. There may or may not be some one shots set within this universe. Thanks to everyone who has read this story and left kudos. It means a lot to me. Please read and review.

**Chapter 9: Epilogue: I Will Love You Better Now**

_'I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind. I'll do it all for you in time. And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now. I'm out of touch, I'm out of love. I'll pick you up when you're getting down. And out of all these things I've done, I will love you better now.'-Lego House-Ed Sheeran_

It’s been a little over a year since Cozy died. After the tour was over Adam and I got married and started living together. I still miss Cozy, but I know Adam is here to help me slowly get over it. Actually, I don’t want to say get over it. I should say he’s helping me love again.

It’s just strange to be with a younger man. Things were easy with Cozy since we were the same age. I let out a sigh and go to roll over. As I do, I feel a small form next to me. I look over and see Angel sleeping next to me.

I reach over and give her a shake to wake her up. She opens her eyes and looks at me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“I had a bad dream last night and couldn’t fall back to sleep.” Angel says.

“Did you now?”

“Yes.”

“What was it about?”

“Papa.” Angel quietly says.

“I see.” I quietly say.

“Daddy, I still miss him."

“I do too sweetheart.”

“Why did he have to leave us?” Angel asks.

“I wish I could say it was because it was his time to go, but I know in my heart that wasn’t it. I think it was because God had other plans.” I say.

“Oh.” Angel says.

“Now, go back to bed.”

“I don’t want to.”

“What will your father say when he finds you here?” I ask.

“He’d tell me to go back to bed.”

“So, go back to bed.” “Fine.” Angel grumbles.

She gets out of bed and heads back to her room. I roll on my back and stare at the ceiling. As I’m laying there trying to fall back to sleep, the door opens. Someone walks in the room and over to the bed. They then sit down on the bed.

“Are you getting up today?” Adam asks.

“I don’t know.” I say.

“Laying in bed like this won’t solve anything.” Adam says.

“Yeah, I know.” I say with a sigh.

“You do know that Cozy wouldn’t want you to still be mourning him after a year.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t help that today marks a year since he died.” I say.

“Oh Brian, I’m sorry. I completely forgot.”

I say nothing and roll on my side. Adam lets out a long sigh. God how I hate feeling like this. Adam gets in bed and cuddles up next to me. He puts his head on my shoulder and plants a kiss on my neck.

“Do you want to talk about how you feel?” Adam asks.

“Not really. All I want to do is hide in bed all day.” I quietly say.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“No, but that’s what I want to do.”

“Why don’t you get dressed?”

“What for?” I ask.

“We can go to the cemetery.” Adam says.

“I don’t want to go there.” I say.

“Why not? I thought for sure you’d want to put flowers on Cozy’s grave.”

“While I do want to do that. I guess I know that deep in my heart, he’s not really there.”

“What do you mean by that?” Adam asks puzzled.

“His body may be there, but the memories of him only exist in my heart.”

“Good point.” Adam says.

“I guess we’ll go any way though.”

“Why?” Adam asks.

“Because Angel believes he’s there.”

“Oh, right.” Adam says.

I say nothing and let out a long sigh. What do I do? I sigh again and turn to face Adam. He gives me a small smile and gives me a kiss on the lips. I smile at him even though right now I don’t feel like it.

“I love you.” I say.

“Love you too.”

I smile and get out of bed. I get myself dressed and head downstairs. Adam follows me and starts making us breakfast. I grab myself a cup of coffee and sit down at the table. Letting out a long sigh, I put my head in my hands.

“Hey, are you ok?” Adam asks as he sets some fruit and cereal in front of me.

“I’ll be fine, I’m just dreading later.” I say.

“You know I’ll be there for you.” Adam says as he takes a seat across from me.

“I know.” I say as I take a sip from my coffee.

“We’ll get through this together.” Adam says.

I go to say something and Angel comes running into the kitchen. She gets herself some cereal and plops down in a chair next to me. I watch as she eats her breakfast and then gets up from the table. Adam raises one eyebrow and shakes his head. I chuckle and shake my head.

“There was something I wanted to talk to you about.” I say.

“What is it?” Adam asks.

“When we got married, we never discussed kids.”

“I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure if you wanted any more kids.” Adam says.

“I would like one more.”

“And I’d like at least one.”

“So, should we adopt? Or did you want to go another route?” I ask.

“I think we should sleep on that.”

“That might be a good idea.” I say.

We finish breakfast and clean up. Once we’re done we all head to the cemetery. When we get there I sit in the car for a bit to collect myself. I don’t know if I can do this. I feel like I’m losing Cozy all over again.

I get out of the car and head up to the grave. Adam puts his arm around me and I bow my head.

 _‘I still love you.’_ I think.

We finish at the grave and head back home. We have dinner and head to bed. As we’re lying in bed, I can’t help but think about what the future has in store for us. Will Adam and I adopt, or will we go another route? I guess only time will tell.

I fall asleep thinking about what the future holds for us.


End file.
